PERFECT BALANCE
Inspiration
John Draper’s Thought for the Day, Radio 4 22nd September 2012
(Autumn equinox)
Carla watched the scales of lime
precess as she stirred a second sugar into her lukewarm tea. She didn’t really
like tea; she didn’t really like sugary drinks, but it felt like a sweet-tea
morning. Yesterday’s cold toast splintered in her had as she spread the butter.
She chewed through the staleness, looking out at the morning gloom as the minutes
on the kitchen clock slid by.
From the radio on the marble work
surface, the self-certain voice of a contemporary Christian, offered up a thought
for the day:
Today
is the autumn equinox - that delicate point of balance, when everyone in the
world shares an equal portion of day and night, before we (in the north)
commence our descent through the mists of autumn, deeper into winter darkness…
Carla’s heart sank at the inevitability of his words. Summer had officially gone; gone before she’d
had a chance to really bask in its warmth.
This
equinox is one of four symmetrically spread days in our calendar that trace our
yearly path and our profound spiritual connection with the rest of Creation.
Carla stood and rummaged in
the cupboard for something to make her fragments of brittle toast more
palatable. She flicked on the light to get a better look and the September gloom rapidly receded
back to the corners of the kitchen. She pulled out an army of condiments and lined them up on the kitchen table for inspection.
…You
don’t have to suffer from SAD to mourn the loss of summer days, and try, with
every click of a light switch, to shield yourself from their passing ... But
must we be afraid of the dark?...
The cutlery drawer was empty; the dishwasher full but unwashed. Carla
picked out the cleanest accessible knife from the rack, ran it quickly
under the tap and shook it dry.
….God’s
Creation itself embraces darkness, as part of its own cycle of birth, death and
resurrection; as part of its continual renewing. And we, too, despite our
electric lights and blankets, are part of Creation…
Delving into the peanut
butter, Carla applied her base layer then painted one section with a topcoat of
honey and the other with a thick covering of raspberry jam. In public – in
hotels and restaurants and at work breakfasts – she played along with the
rest of the grown ups and made do one or the other one, but in private it was always a
combination; two was always better than one.
…This
particular stretch of the yearly path – from the equinox in autumn through to
the winter solstice – can be a hard one to travel. Marked by many spiritual
traditions, it represents the path that requires we die before we can be reborn;
that we must descend before we are lifted up; that we must face our own inner
darkness before we can truly bask in the light of life…
Carla’s Blackberry trilled
its daily appointment reminders – 9:30,
Court Room 3 (Paula McGinley). She pulled Paula’s file down the table. Having
worked on the case until late last night, the facts were now clear in her mind.
With considered and balanced presentation, she was confident she could secure a
fair outcome.
Jesus
said: “If you cling to your life, you will lose it. And if you let your life
go, you will save it… Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it
remains only a grain of wheat...”
A second reminder flashed. 17:00, Lauriston Place – RELATE (meet Miles
first?). Carla felt anxious just looking at the word. Turning to a counseling
service was recognition that you couldn’t solve your own problems and, without
the capacity for resolution, she and Miles were surely fated. To her, counseling was the beginning of the end, but had insisted: “If you’re not even
willing to try, it really is the end.”
Faced with Mile’s
ultimatum, Carla had reluctantly backed down. She'd even visited the service’s website in
a positive act to ‘engage with the process’, but it did nothing to reassure her: “Our mission is to develop and support healthy
relationships by delivering inclusive, high-quality services that are relevant
at every stage of life.” Words, just words. Words had proven to be the weapon
and the balm, to be at once loaded and empty. They are simply the carriers of
intent and she knew it was the intent behind them that dictated their impact.
She wanted to meet Miles before the appointment so they could get their story straight before offering
up their personal information in a mishmash of he-saids and she-saids. But he'd refused.
She’d left him countless messages, but all he’d sent back was a curt text: “You can’t
control everything, C. Let them do their job.”
The grain’s
outer shell (the parts of us that are quick to take offence and to focus on
self-preservation) must split and die in the dark, for the seed within, to grow
towards the light.
Carla was well versed in presenting a case and knew the importance of coming
up with just the right balance of argument to guide juries to the right
conclusions. She hated the idea of going in to the counsellor’s court unprepared,
of not knowing how to represent their relationship in a way that would see it
acquitted.
Perhaps
we can yet learn to embrace this season, without fear of what’s to come. For,
even as we set off from this place of equinox today towards the solstice and
the heart of darkness, we know, deep down, that life will still find light
ahead.
The pips on the radio fired and routine over-ruled contemplation. Carla
poured the sugary remains of her tea down the sink, picked up her
briefcase and headed out into the cool morning light.
