Howdy everyone!
OK so I realise my last poem was pretty heavy and sad, and unfortunately this one seems to be too! It's just something I started working on about knife crime and gang violence. Only very much in the early stages!
The Kettle
The kettle starts to boil and I’ve come unstuck.
The clock goes tick-tock, more like a slow click….click….click….
Of his pen as he notes down my name.
I’m going insane
And all I can do is to fiddle and to fuss
“Would you like some tea? Sugar’s a must!”
Your voice is too shrill,
I think to myself.
It’s not helping matters,
When all’s said and done.
You and your mates were just “having a laugh”, just “having fun”.
Tap…tap…tap as he opens his case.
Like a nail in a wheel on a bike.
Not like the BANG when she fell.
My right hand swinging thud…thud…thud
It’s amazing how cold you can be in July.
The kettle squeals, just like she did
When I dug in my shoe,
Not sure of the right thing to do.
The mob it makes noises,
Like a snake in the grass.
No. More like an elephant thundering past.
The Policeman is kind.
He must have a pet.
And maybe a wife at home with a young son.
He’s talking about how they caught this young girl in question,
Those “awful thugs” that is… not his young child.
“What did she do to you?”
“What have you done?”
Whispers and pangs folding into my head as one.
It hurts.
But she hurt when out came the knife.
Like a diamond shining bright.
Like a fish in the water of murky dark hoodies.
Like a penny.
Like a wand.
Like a …
Like a….
The kettle goes pop.
So does my head.
I did it.
It was me.
She’s dead.
I ran and I ran.
Not daring to breathe.
The wind it chased me,
Death on a breeze.
Now he’s clicking his biro and writing it down.
The scratch of the pen makes my head pound.
The gang has fallen, the tea is poured.
My fingers are twisting, my heart's like ice.
She’s beside me forever now.
It’s amazing how cold you can be in July.
I love the imagery - "like a nail in the wheel of a bike" is lovely, and "...how cold you can be in July" is a brilliant line, chilling in every sense and gives a really tense pause to the flow of the writing which works well.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion for working on it would probably be the advice I am often giving Kerry (ask her, I am always banging on about it to her!!) Edit out some of the "telling" details - you don't need to say it's a policeman, for example, it's all there in the set up, so you don't need to explain or make it more explicit. Have faith that your writing is strong enough to convey what you're trying to say - because it is! :)
Hi Tash,
ReplyDeleteI'd like to echo Zoe's advice (it works for me!) :) and also to add that the July line is so powerful here, it's a great way to snap out of the flow and adds to the unsettled feeling of the narrator. I think that it might be good to draw out this distinction further, maybe to strengthen the shift between wondering what happened to the realisation that they did it. There are some great images relating to the incident itself - the policeman is almost incidental here, I'd be tempted to focus more on what happened, how it happened, why, and how it feels now. What it means going forward, how futile it must seem now. I'd love to see another draft if you can face going back to this - it's got so much potential. x