If you’re just coming at me with your Christmas cheer
Let me warn you now I don’t like this time of year;
It makes me feel so lonely. And failing. And fat.
And no one likes to be reminded of all that.
And don’t look back, all wistful, at your single days
Unless you have a wish for my fist in your face.
Don’t dismiss as nothing my intense lack of sex -
If you really mean it, make your partner your ex
Then come back in six years’ time and tell me it’s great
To spend so many New Years with no kiss, no mate.
So go away, festive folk, get out of my hair -
Just get lost far, far away, and when you get there
Keep going further, circle round; then my friend
When you’re back with glad tidings, just fuck off again.
I have a serious case of Christmas blues (in case that needed saying) and I've been ranting at various people and I decided since I've got a complete block on proper writing since these blues descended, I'd try to make something funny out of it. And this IS meant to be funny, there's a kernel of truth in my frustration about being lonely for the 6th Christmas on the bounce but I've tried to make it daft and extreme enough that it becomes funny. Either that or it's just pathetic, but pathetic people don't write in rhyming hexameters, right? Right?!!
ReplyDeleteI want to buy you a Christmas teddy bear reading this!
ReplyDeleteYes! Like the film Ted - dressed in a Christmas hat and moaning about being lonely. I'd buy that bear. :)
DeleteGiven the conversations we've had of late, this is very appropriate. Love it, I think it sums everything up!!
ReplyDeleteRather 6 years with no kisses, then 6 years with the wrong kisses... Better to have kisses from good friends and your time will come for festive kisses :)
ReplyDeleteTrue, although six years of the wrong kisses you can do something about in a way that you can't with six years alone. And to be honest, the time is coming when I can afford to disappear off fo some winter sun alone and sack Christmas off entirely, I'm more optimistic about that outcome because to be honest, the prospect of festive kisses diminishes with each year. But hey, at least I got a poem out of it, didn't want to miss a blog post!
DeleteHello Zoe, this making lemonade out of lemons thing...
ReplyDeleteYet again, the grounds for another great poem - probably needs some tweaking to make it a final edit, but it feels like an exercise to get the gremlins out and in that way it delivers wonderfully, and you probably don't need to, or shouldn't perhaps, revisit this and play with it unless you decide you want to take it to the next level and say something more.
I hope the new year is feeling much more positive for you - I'm loving your consistently interesting and challenging blog posts, thank you for being such an inspiring and constant writer!
x